DEAR DEXTER

Dear Mr. Shark:

I found some suspenders at my house. Are they yours? Please help.

Lucy Goosey

DEXTER SHARK'S ADVICE

Dear Ms. Goosey

It's not possible - I would have remembered wearing suspenders.

(Editors Note: We think it is illegal for anyone under the age of 18 to correspond with Dexter Shark.)

DEAR DEXTER

I came in late the other night and my girlfriend got very upset. Are their (sic) any standard responses that work well at 4:30 a.m. when your babe is screaming "Where the hell have you been?"

DEXTER SHARK'S ADVICE

Dear Anonymous:

Girlfriend? Sounds like a wife to me, Pal.

My standard response is: "If you don't quit screaming I'm never going to marry you." I find it's a good indicator of a babe's patience.